The Daily Hassle

Laughs on the go.

the girl you shoot for.

The best thing about photography is capturing moments. We talk about seconds in a day, but what I like capturing are the pictures that people are not ready for. No, not like a peeping tom, I am talking about natural pics that show us our own humanity. The moments when we forget the camera is in front of us and we just laugh with a friend, or sneeze at the wrong time or pick our nose. This is kind of a hobby of mine. Capturing real moments.

Not duckfaces. I hate people doing that. I notice that those “people” are like 99% women. Don’t they know how stupid they look? I mean it’s mainly the good looking girls that do it. Well, that ones I Facebook stalk anyway. If there’s one act that brings out the murderous look in my dead eyes, it’s that. I’ve strayed too far from my point.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, photography.

I wouldn't say I was good at it, but in combination to the quality of shots that I do take with my camera they come out pretty damn good. The truth I get good shots due to a blend of my camera's filter settings and my height. The settings are great and allow all sorts of effects that don't need much editing later on. Yeah, that’s my secret. Angles and lack of photographic talent.

My height helps plenty particularly when taking shots of women. I immediately eliminate double chins and irregular boobies (apparently this is a thing now). The down side of taking great shots is sooner or later, I will want a photo of myself just to prove that I partook in this gathering. Unfortunately, the person who eventually does figure out the simple task of pressing the big button on the camera (usually a woman volunteer that is adamant that she can take great pictures) takes a photo wherein I resemble a rather large and drunk sasquatch with a plethora of double chins.

 

" Unfortunately, the person who eventually does figure out the simple task of pressing the big button on the camera (usually a woman volunteer that is adamant that she can take great pictures) takes a photo wherein I resemble a rather large and drunk sasquatch with a plethora of double chins.

 

So this is why people invite me to their parties and events. They need a tall-ish kind of guy to take free and semi-decent photos. They also need an ugly person to stand next to so that they look stupendous. Now I’m starting to understand why I had a lot of friends when I was a kid. I WAS like the fat kid eating sandwiches around seagulls on a beach. Except in my case, sandwiches was my ugly shade.

DAMNIT.

Okay, so I'm not an exact replica of Mario Lopez, but I do have black hair. A lot of it. All over my body in fact. Damn, I guess that Sasquatch comparison wasn’t far off the mark. I am guessing that bald spot on the back of my head also happened when all the hairs decided to migrate south for the winter…and summer….and every other damn season.

The years behind me, also left a lot of fat behind me. Ok, so f*ck you, I know that there's work to be done. So I'm doing it. Diet and exercise right? And also in the future maybe tattoo my head black so that I look like I have awesome hair from a distance.

In the meantime, while planning for my perfect body, I've already started planning for the perfect women. Someone preferably with a working knowledge of digital photography would be excellent for starters. Shouldn’t be hard, most girls these days love taking selfies from a higher angle, so they’re already aware of what to do to make double chins like mine disappear. Normally I wouldn't date someone taller than me either, but if I'll want to look like my neck is not related to an Asian phone directory (lots of chins), I may have to change my criteria. (No, I’ve checked and that joke was not racist.)

So there you go. Future girlfriend: tall, camera friendly and hopefully gorgeous. Plenty of them around.

I swear to god if she pulls a duckface....