The Daily Hassle

Laughs on the go.

male order bride
 

No that's not a misprint. It's just that I don't really see any "Female order Grooms" advertised anywhere. That’s because chicks don’t ever pay when it comes to guys/guy products. (Cue triggered feminists/wives everywhere).

 
It's not that they don't want us.

 
Well, actually, maybe it’s because they don't want us. Face it. We’re not a really demanded sex. We're smelly, hairy, rude and obnoxious - and that's before we touch any alcohol. No one’s really fantasizing about us dancing around stripper poles or posing spread eagle in playgirl.

 
We tend to stick among other males, exhibiting weird farting compilations and staring competitions and endangering ourselves to extinction the very moment someone suggests we mix our methane outputs with fire. We’re pretty dumb as a mob. Yet go along like lemmings to our potential demise. Admittedly, we're happiest when this happens.


“Well, actually, maybe it’s because they don't want us. Face it. We’re not a really demanded sex. We're smelly, hairy, rude and obnoxious - and that's before we touch any alcohol. No one’s really fantasizing about us dancing around stripper poles or posing spread eagle in playgirl."

 

We tend to stick among other males, exhibiting weird farting compilations and staring competitions and endangering ourselves to extinction the very moment someone suggests we mix our methane outputs with fire. We’re pretty dumb as a mob. Yet go along like lemmings to our potential demise. Admittedly, we're happiest when this happens.

 I wander from the point I was trying to make.

 Anyway, I came across a 60+ year old man this week, whom two years ago, went on a trip to a delightful south East Asian country only to return to Australia with a beautiful 23 year old bride.

 Back then, the lady in question seemed to be happy since her much much much older husband loved telling her what to do all the time due to her lack of understanding the language as well as local practices. I have known for some time that some females preferred father figures, but I didn't think this concept would be applied so literally.  I mean holy f*ck this was a grandfather figure. For some weird reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about his wrinkled genitals.

 After condemning this relationship to fail after a week, I was proved wrong today when I learned that they are still together and now have two children.

 

"Back then, the lady in question seemed to be happy since her much much much older husband loved telling her what to do all the time due to her lack of understanding the language as well as local practices. I have known for some time that some females preferred father figures, but I didn't think this concept would be applied so literally.  I mean holy f*ck this was a grandfather figure. For some weird reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about his wrinkled genitals."

 So is this the secret to a loving relationship?

 Waiting until you're past your prime and taking a young bride away from her family in another country so that she can only depend on you and hence too scared to explore her femininity and thus focus all her efforts on the man that bought her to a strange new land?

 I guess it did work for Pocahontas.

 South East Asia, see you in 20 years baby.