The Daily Hassle

Laughs on the go.

tele-networking.

 

Universally hated along with parking inspectors, I get my daily unwanted phone call from India from someone who is not a relative of mine. Apparently my fellow ex-countrymen are working for an American based company eagerly trying to sell me more minutes and save me a lot of money whenever I call – ironically - India.


Naturally I tell these telemarketers that I'm not interested in their long distance time and money saving features. I usually respond with “If they were so concerned about saving me money when I call up my relatives, perhaps they could turn the very phone call to me into a conference call right through to my cousins and I don't have to flip for the bill since the telemarketers called me anyway”. They usually hang up at this point.

Telemarketers don't have a sense of humour.

I on the other hand don’t really mind it when they call.

I love it even more when they are women. I still don’t buy their product from them, however, I view it as a unique chance to practice conversing with the opposite sex.


Usually before they get past the words, “Hi, I would like to talk about our new-”


I would interrupt and say something like "Well, I would like to talk about, us".


I'd ask for her bio details, her cell number, what she thinks of premarital sex and whether or not she gets a giggle like me if she sees baby animals and toddlers tripping over. Naturally she doesn't answer any of these questions citing the case that they are too personal and didn’t think that's it was professional that she give me her phone number.
 

“I love it even more when they are women. I still don’t buy their product from them, however, I view it as a unique chance to practice conversing with the opposite sex.
Usually before they get past the words, “Hi, I would like to talk about our new-”

I would interrupt and say something like "Well, I would like to talk about, us".


I try to argue that if she has my phone number and can call me of any number of reasons at any time that's convenient for her, then I should be allowed the same prerogative. After a brutal barrage of harassing innuendos, for which I can be sued for in any other country, the poor female telemarketer tries to coax me into talking with her supervisor.

I respond with – “only your supervisor is a she – and only if she's "available". “

 
The supervisor takes the call and tries to tell me that I’m harassing their worker and I try not to laugh out loud.

 
“Wait, why am I harassing her, when she called me?”

 “Sir you can either buy the product or refuse it, you can not treat women like this”
 
“Like what? I like her voice, I want to get to know her…..”
 
“It’s unprofessional and not very nice”

 “…I want to have babies with her…”

 “She’s only new and these are the types of people she has to deal with”

“I’ll provide for her, my only asking is that she has to sign a pre-nupt”

“Sir, she’s not going to be with you”

“I can be persuasive”

“No.”

“I have my own house”

*hangs up phone*

My aim is to rid the world of people you don't want in your life.

One annoying person at a time.