The Daily Hassle

Laughs on the go.

to boy or not to boy


One of my best friends, Greg, happens to be gay. I was friends with him from the age of 13 until now. When you’re best friends with someone of the same sex, you don’t even think one day they might be attracted to you. Of course, he did become gay, but yet somehow he was never attracted to me. That doesn’t make sense really? I guess gay people don’t have taste.


Anyway…


I never found out he was gay in high school. He always hung out with two other friends. We went to the movies, had sleepovers and went to the beach. The usual best friend stuff. Greg has always had extra energy though. He liked participating in gymnastics. He was one of the fastest runners. He loved dancing. Girls loved being around him. And he was one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. He was also the first friend I made in high school. I was jealous. It wasn’t really fair that he had so many good qualities, where my talent was stuffing an entire big mac in my mouth in one bite.
 

Of course I had to find out he was gay after the high school – through one of our mutual friends (no, not the way you were thinking you sick bastard!!). Now, what really confused me was his choice of turning gay when he was probably the most eligible heterosexuals in high school. Making the decision - when you are knee deep in women - to kiss another guy, was downright insulting to a nerd like me. And every other nerd in high school. I mean he had girls flocking all around him, like seagulls to bread at the beach. Caw caw! Caw caw‼


But I instantly realised that I wasn’t jealous anymore.

Everything was finally right with the universe.

I finally, once I overcame my crippling anxiety, would have a fair shot at chicks.

You have to understand, trying to get any kind of female attention back in high school was a herculean feat. Let alone trying to not be a virgin before high school ended and university began (for the record, my virginity was intact with superglue even after high school graduation).

 
“You have to understand, trying to get any kind of female attention back in high school was a herculean feat. Let alone trying to not be a virgin before high school ended and university began (for the record, my virginity was intact with superglue even after graduation from high school)."

So a few years after high school did find out - It felt weird. Sure, Greg liked hanging with the girls, had a high pitched voice, could do the jive and cha cha and was also pretty good at gymnastics – but he was a regular guy.

I always thought that gay people had their own “special” way of doing things according to all the American movies I watched in my lifetime. Like sipping tea with an upright pinky, having a lisp, that weird jazz hands thingy and extremely tight - yet neat - clothing.

 
I wouldn’t say I was stunned at Greg’s sudden choice in being in a guy - yes, my stupid brain that this was a sudden choice. I was only disappointed that I didn’t figure this out first. This unobservant nature of mine would later let me down again at the twilight of my divorce proceedings.

So I had to call him. To ask him the most important question I could think of. The question
every person needs to ask a homosexual at least one in their life.




So I phone him almost immediately and this is how the conversation went:

Jon:  “So (long pause), you play for our team or not?”

Greg:  “What? “

 Jon:   “You prefer Basketball or Lacrosse”

 Greg:   “When are you playing?”

Jon:   I sighed. “For f*cks sake dude, are you really gay!??!?!” (this was the important question)

 Greg:   “Oh…….Yes”
 

I hadn’t anticipated the conversation going further than this.

 “Well, that’s cool. You still owe me $10 for the movies bitch! And don’t try and use you’re gayness as an excuse.”

I hung up the phone.  Greg and I are still best friends to this day.  In hindsight I could have used more tact.