The Daily Hassle

Laughs on the go.

Food fight.

 

I don’t know what goes on in other people heads. You can’t tell. Well, that’s no surprise, because you don’t live with that person. You don’t know a thing about them. The person you don’t know right now, standing next to you near the water cooler can suddenly just turn around and poke your eye out. Then put a carrot in there. (I have weird thoughts occasionally)


Naturally I would play the race card if that happened to me.
 

The really weird thing is that sometimes you don’t know the people you live with either. The feeling you get when you realise this is truly terrifying. You are depending on this person to raise your children and be the nucleus of the family. To be there in times of  hardship and all that crap.  I am of course, talking about - the wife.

 
Here’s the set up.
 

I’m going to our local food strip to get some takeaway. It’s been a long day at work, my mind feels like melted cheese and I just want something delicious and possibly toxic to ingest.

She asks me what I’m going to get. First thing that comes to my mind is Hainan chicken rice. Usually not too bad, but the MSG tends to provide me chest tightness. A small price to pay for a happy gut.

 

“Probably chicken rice”, I say. So as I’m heading out, she gives me her order. This is not a new thing. Wives like to turn one event into turn, based sorely on their logic in saving money for petrol. This doesn’t save any of my money however as I’m still the one spending.

 
“Can you get me some popcorn chicken and chips – are you getting bubble tea”.


I wasn’t thinking about it but now I am.


“Sure, you want one also?”
 

“Ya, I’ll send you a pic”, she replied.

 
I don’t know why she said that last comment about the pic. She knows I always get the Honeydew flavour. In my mind I’m just getting two now.

 
So I go get the food and I’m back.

 
I’ve got my chicken rice and my honeydew bubble tea, I’ve got her popcorn chicken and chips and a honeydew bubble tea.

 
Presenting it to her, I expected a plethora of thanks headed my way. In the good old days of dating, this usually meant I was going to get lucky that night.

Today, not so much. She looked at the bubble tea and took a sip.

 
“Did you look at the picture I sent you”.

 
When a woman asks you a question about an action that she did previously specified for the man. It usually means you’ve f*cked up.

 
“No, well, kind of.” This is the best answer ever.

 
She then pointed out that the tea was a totally different flavour and got mad. Women will tell you they don’t get mad, but they do.

I don’t mean mad in the angry sense. More like a sudden grasp of some mood swing/ mental illness has possessed their body and not even holy water can exorcise that sh*t.

She then yelled.

 
“Why didn’t you look at the pic”.

 
I do what all married men do best. I apologised.

 
“I’m sorry I thought you wanted the same as mine. I mean you always steal my honeydew, anyway”.

 
She lowered her brow to caveman level and kicked a piece of paper as she walked away from me.

 
It was silent between us for the next two hours.

She still ate and drank what I bought her. I mean if you’re really upset, you would have the decency not to touch the food at all right?

 
I ate my chicken rice in peace I guess. I can feel her staring at me time to time. My toddler came over and wanted some milk tea.

After giving him a sip, he pulled the cup towards him and I reacted by pulling it back towards me. He suddenly let go, causing the bubble tea go all over my glasses, face and shirt.

 
The wife thought this was funny.

 
Meanwhile, I poured out the rest of the bubble tea and made the decision never to buy her a god-damn bubble tea for the rest of her life.

 
It’s been a few months now. I don’t ever tell her I’m getting takeaway. I eat alone in the car under a tree filled with birds with full stomachs and come home where I’m questioned why the car has poop on it.

 

Some problems are solved without communication.