The Daily Hassle

Laughs on the go.

war games


Getting older is supposed to be a good thing right? However, when you're pushing 44 and you're still living with your parents, I think the older you get the more likely you make a good candidate for someone who will eventually cause willful destruction onto others. OR at least slap people randomly. This would feel more satisfying in my opinion.

 

The reason is simple, it's because you just don't like the fact that others have somehow managed to do what you haven't been able to do on your own – that being, move out of home and make a life. Or at the very least have a life. This is of course your own fault – for listening to your Asian/Indian parents and believing them when they say you’ll never amount to much. Why do they always say this when you’re watching television?

To me this put terrorists (Black, White, Asian and other - let us not discriminate) in this category. I mean think about it. Every terrorist out there blowing things up, including other people, is just another maladjusted child who has had it with living at home with his dysfunctional parents and has finally decided that the time has come to impart their anger on society for the same reason – never amounting to much. 

 

I can almost certainly guarantee that if a law passes one day where children over 18 who are not studying have to get a job at a local fast food restaurant and move out, then terrorism would cease as we know it. If this idea works, it’s not stupid.

 

To call someone a terrorist is pretty easy. A baby can be a terrorist when its diaper is full. No one wants to get near that without a hazmat suit on. A child who just doesn’t shut up can be one. An adult with road or roid rage can be one. We just choose to put this definition of a terrorist on the imagery of someone located in the Middle East wearing a well-covered garment and holding an AK-47.


It’s funny how we base our strategic war games on our belief systems. I mean Christian soldiers go to war thinking that they're going to heaven or hell. Muslim soldiers believe they're going to paradise. Atheists’ soldiers become worm food, and finally Buddhist
soldiers probably become worms.

“It’s funny how we base our strategic war games on our belief systems. I mean Christian soldiers go to war thinking that they're going to heaven or hell. Muslim soldiers believe they're going to paradise. Atheists’ soldiers become worm food, and finally Buddhist soldiers probably become worms. "

I just can't get my finger around terrorism. Killing a whole bunch of people over a belief. That’s nearly as insane as taxing a whole bunch of people over a belief. Except the people actually go along with it. Murder is not what I would call a tactical revenge, because once you've killed someone, there's no way of making sure that that person has understood your point - They're dead!

 

Seinfeld had the right idea when he suggested that playing mind games with people until they said “I wish this guy would just kill me already, I can’t take it anymore!” –

However, wouldn't it be better and more fun if we ran around the place, playing "tag"?

"Tag! You're it! - and by the way, your mama’s so fat, when she goes to Sizzler, the bitch gets a group discount!"

Then run around for half an hour until the other guy tags you and says "Your mama so nasty, I ran out of yellow crayon, so the bitch breaks off one of her teeth, hands it to me and says – here, drag this across the page.”

 

“Then run around for half an hour until the other guy tags you and says "Your mama so nasty, I ran out of yellow crayon, so the bitch breaks off one of her teeth, hands it to me and says – here, drag this across the page.”

 
Whoever runs out of energy first and collapses due to uncontrollable laughter loses the argument for the day, but the upside is, everyone has fun and gets a good cardiovascular workout!

 
War is really nothing to laugh about, there's a lot of death and carnage. I have long been an advocate of leaders doing the fighting instead of hundreds of thousands of soldiers. The soldiers don't know why their fighting. They just do what their government tells them to. 

 

So imagine the two opposing leaders in nothing more than boxing shorts and flabby man boobs trying to knock the other out. I’m looking at you Trump. Makes for good PPV viewing. Everybody wins. Winner has bragging rights and wins the war.

 

But everyone knows the real money is in the rematch.